I am 500 words away from finishing my disertation. And i can't help but look at it and think: is this what i have been working towards? Three years of studying, and all i can show for it is a crumby piece of written work that i don't even really like. To top all this depressive, negative feeling about my work i am panicing about what next... what do i do when i finish? What do i want to do? The answer: I have no idea. I don't know what i want to do, I don't really know what job i want, I don't even know if i'll get a job. And if that wasn't bad, i really do have to buy a new car. The mondeo has a rather large hole in it now and when it rains, my footwells flood, the passenger seat gets wet, all that shabang. And... guess what? It rains a lot in England!! Right now i feel like i've hit rock bottom. I'm leaving uni with only one option... move back home. ARGH!. I'm thinking that if all else fails, i could do a postgrade. Don't know where though, I don't even know if they'll accept applicants this late now. I don't even know if i could get another loan to pay for it. This is what I am facing people! I don't know anything! In an ideal world, I will have a wonderful job within the month with a company that i really want to work for, I will have a fab little flat or house and be happy and content. But, that's not what has happened.
I have been at home with my family all weekend, and since i have been back my mum has asked me the same questions every day! 'Are you making the right decisions? Do you know what you want to do? I thought you wanted to stay in Bristol and work for somewhere like Tigress? Will you be happy moving back here?' My answers: I have no idea! I also have no idea! Yes, i did want to stay in Bristol and work for Tigress, but there's one teeny weeny problem...i don't have a job in Bristol, let alone one with Tigress. No job = no house. Will I be happy moving back here? Obvious answer = probably not, but i don't really have a choice anymore. I am literally going out of my mind. I have said 'fuck' sixteen times today, wait...seventeen times! I need just a little bit of help and a lot of positivity, oh and a fairy godmother with a magic wand.
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